Bartholomew “Bertie” Harridan

Vixen

Hoooo-ly shit, Los Santos, we are in for another election season and to kick us off is the bold, the lightly bearded, the brash, the long-named Bartholomew Timothy Harridan the Third. Welcome to being first in the hot-seat, Mr. Harridan. Mm. Y'know, first things first, for the readers at home. I would absolutely normally go straight for that elaborate and complex name, however… I recognize my own is a trip and a half… Delia Celeste Urbana-Champaign, so y'know, I don't throw stones coming from my glass palace. Great to start off an interview in a one-for-one truce state.

Bartholomew Harridan

Quite a pleasure to have this interview with you, Vixen.

Vixen

What can I and voters call ya? Bartleby? Bartifer Anniston? Bartie?

Bartholomew Harridan

Bertie would work fabulously, easier on the tongue than my two mile first name.

Vixen

Hah, super duper fair. Mm, first off, I'd like to super duper thank ya for being the first candidate to reach out actively about really announcing their campaign, getting their name or in this case names, out there. If the ladies could provide him one five point two second round of applause…

Bartholomew Harridan

I think it is important for any candidate to first and foremost get themselves known amongst the people they plan to represent, before posting a long manifesto in a website. After all, would be awkward if you kickstart your campaign and the community would respond to it by ''Who is this guy?''

Vixen

Ooh, we've got tea already. To the viewers at home, he may be referring to one of his opponents from LS FIRST who announced via FaceBrowser today. My records show her name as Jorja Solari. Either way, seems like Bartie's ready to battle some ideas.

Want to get into the meat of it?

Bartholomew Harridan

Let's get it.

Vixen

Mmm… so traditionally, I always ask as we kick off…

wanna start with an easy question or a hard question. No shame in either. You gettem both by the end of the interview.

Bartholomew Harridan

Why don't we warm up with the simpler questionnaire first. Then raise up the challenge.

Vixen

Iconique. Very Marathon-runner of you.

To kick off, you are running for the Council Seat for West Los Santos. This encompasses a stretch up Vespucci to Pacific Bluffs! Tell us how long you've lived in your district and for listeners lodged in the Hills or high-towers, what's your neighborhood like? What charms ya about it?

Bartholomew Harridan

Well, I was born and raised in the Vespucci canals. I have lived there for most of my childhood and early teens before moving to Morningwood when I enrolled in College. And have been there ever since, in a since, I have spent my entire life around the communities of West Los Santos. When I was child I'd spend hours on end with friends committing mild tomfoolery around the Canals and Del Perro. And what will always charm me about my childhood in Vespucci, was how simple it felt back then.

Vixen

Heh super cute. Morningwood, huh. They've got some phenomenal restaurants, but rumor has it that a fairly novel business fell to repeated extortion attempts. I guess this is a killer segue to ask a bit on public safety. With the bombing of Penal Colony in Richman after a failed extortion… and the example of a business shuttering in Morningwood, I've gotta ask.

Do ya have a plan to combat city-wide extortion rackets or at least make it trickier?

Bartholomew Harridan

West Los Santos it self is filled with businesses, big and small, and any of them could fall victim to such attempts. And I won't sit here and pretend I can solve organized crime across the state by passing a resolution and calling it a victory. But there things we can do that can make extortion of local businesses much more difficult, and importantly make it easier for victims to come forward. We would work to establish a closer coordination between the City, law enforcement, and all local businesses in the Greater Los Santos Area, specially in areas where businesses are more targeted. That would include introducing better reporting mechanisms, greater protection, and working towards making the patterns of extortion easily identified. And obviously work towards improving the relationship between local business owners and the City, so they would not feel that paying someone under the table is the only way they could keep their livelihoods going. So to give you a final answer, I do not think the approach is to turn every business owner into a secret informant, obviously some do not appreciate that. but we would make commerce easier, make coercion riskier, and give people a reason to trust us more.

Vixen

Suuuper cute, if biz owners chat with eachother on threats… might give others advanced warning on schmuckos. Plus, I'm a biiig fan of pattern recognition and my readers adore it too. In fact, to get an idea of who you are let's go down your resu-may! So Master's Degree, Poli Sci, blah blah… fabulous impressi- Ooooh! You used to be a widdle Republican and now you're LSUP.

Walk us through that. Does LS Unitarian Party align with the values you held at a Republican or did you go through a re-evaluation?

Bartholomew Harridan

Well, I grew up in a republican household, those values of conservatism stuck in little Bertie's ever growing mind, however by the time I already finished College, GOP efforts had became practically non-existent in San Andreas. When LSUP was founded, I immediately felt that their values are not far off what I believe in. After a bit of digging and reading and a lot of contemplating, and with seeing what LSUP was doing and aiming to achieve, I began to align myself more with the party. And, Master's Degree now, but I want you to know I am in the very early preparations of undergoing a doctorate program with ULSA.

Vixen

Ooh, y've got a sadomasochistic kick I see! Hah! Super fair, smarty pants! Now, this is pretty consistent. You are also currently a Junior Political Analyst for Marty Haney of Richman.

When'd you kick that off, before or after Lombard disintegrated into thin air.

Bartholomew Harridan

Way before, I met Mr. Haney in an LSUP rally once, and to be fair I was fan-girl'ing on him with all my might, around the same time he announced his intentions to run for the seat in Richmond. Mr. Haney was impressed, or I hope he was, and he offered me an internship. And I have been by his side- Since then, I learned quite a lot from Mr. Haney and Mr. Brandenburg when I was still but a learner. When he won the seat in Richman, he offered me a spot as his Council Staffer. And I took that offer right away.

Vixen

So you weren't as taken by Lombard or Goldman's campaign in West Los.

Just on a political alignment level?

Bartholomew Harridan

I would be lying if I said I did not follow the West Los Santos campaigns with obsession, but I think you can understand why I was more a-taken by Richman's and Downtown LS' campaign.

Vixen

Yer a complex guy, Bartie, y'also got some admiration for Mr. Hank 'Burger KIng' Preston right? For the listeners at home, I have candidates fill out a form to get a better idea of their like values and stuff! In this caaase, out of all the politicians, Haney, Brandenburg… he listed Preston as… a politician he most admires past and present. Annnnd… To put a dot on it, he also rated his opinion of Preston and Brandenburg's administration, y'know the one he's currently in, both as… drumroll. Neutral! Woweee!

Hit us with some clarification, friendo!

Bartholomew Harridan

Reason for that is I believe both administrations have had their shortcoming and their admirable feats. To simply try to crumble such a complicated view into a poll would not be giving either any justice.

Vixen

Admirable feats and shortcomings? Elaborate?

Bartholomew Harridan

Well, Preston's admin, in my opinions, came short when it came to active and efficient legislation. The City Council completely stalled under his leadership, and the City Charter was filled with loopholes that were left hanging. And of course a certain scandal. However, Preston's admin was approachable, always on the move, Mayor Preston himself was always present on the front lines, and maintained a high public profile, and he set up multiple departments that helped Los Santos push through many obstacles. And as many politicians, he delivered on some of his promises, and he missed out on some. Same goes for Mayor Barndenburg's current admin. Mayor Brandenburg has helped modernize City Departments, which has made the City much more efficient both financially, and with the community. Reach out is still available to the people. But, on the other hand, the shortcomings are in that the City Council is still very stalled, and there has been a rise in the trend of bureaucrats intervene in political issues, which has caused the Council to stall even more. Modernizing City Departments came with the side effect of- Slowing down the City Council to almost a halt. So in conclusion as I said earlier, both administrations have their wins, and their losses. But thankfully, our democracy allows these problems to be fixed and handled, Mayor Brandenburg is always ready to listen to the constituents an their concerns. And that is what I plan to do, create an open and direct line of communication between the people of my district, and City Hall. Simple as.

Vixen

I'll let the readers really dig in to find where you stand on administrative approval, but I think it's worth getting back down to ground level. You're in for potentially a three way race. LS FIRST, you with LSUP, and a potential Indie Candidate. This means you absolutely have to stand out based. …based on your strong and unique political identity.

What would you say is your most defining quality as a civil servant, as a candidate? What can you assure voters you'll champion based on your closely held morals, values, and ideology? After this question y'get rewarded with… Trash OR Cash!

Bartholomew Harridan

That's the democratic process for ya, I plan to do my absolute best to show the people why they should pick me, and I won't stop to be an advocate for them no matter what. As you can understand most of my professional life has been working behind-the-scenes, but now I am ready to get out there. And, I think my most defining quality is that I do not see myself as the perfect solution, I do not promise overnight change, I understand my limits and the limits of the office I am aiming for, but I still am going to fight every day and every night for a better change for the community. For me, I believe government should offer the people every chance and every opportunity to strengthen their communities, and better their livelihoods, and feel heard, seen, and accounted for.

Vixen

Pause.

Bartholomew Harridan

And I am ready, willing and able to make sure that happens.

Vixen

Just so I have it really ironed out. I think I misheard and don't want to fuck it up.

Bartholomew Harridan

Sure.

Vixen

Your most defining quality is that you will fight for a better change? I think my head sort of phased a little, I didn't hear what change that is.

Like give me some shit that gets you fired up Bartie!

I wanna know what you're gonna stand for babe!

Bartholomew Harridan

First and foremost, what is West Los Santos lacking right now? Right in this moment?

Vixen

Hell yeah.

Let's hear it. Just being a cheerleader, y'know, riling ya up so we can show voters what t'expect when they put in the ballot.

Bartholomew Harridan

A representative, that is the first change I am willing to make, running and winning is the first change I am trying to do, give the people a spokesperson. Someone willing to carry their concerns, and slam it right over the desk at City Hall.

Evil, Scene Maven

Wh... what are those concerns, Mister Harridan?

Bartholomew Harridan

Restoring the trust between the office and the people. Well, go for a drive in West Los Santos. First thing you notice is the horrible state of most of the public roads. Thats the first thing you notice in the district. And it just shows how neglected West Los Santos.

Vixen

Fab-u-losa! So an infrastructure advocate… but hey, let's segment so we don't get too grey in the nose. I think a game of Trash or Cash'll get us nice and loosey goosey! Now Bartie,

have ya ever heard of this little game called TRASH or CASH!

Bartholomew Harridan

People's advocate, hopefully. Infrastructure is just one of the main speaking points. Oh yes, I heard all about Trash or Cash.

Vixen

For the readers at home, Trash or Cash is a flash round! It can be silly, fun, serious, and most of all FAST! So if you no likey you say TRASH and if you likey you say CASH!

Got it? Ready-freddy?

Bartholomew Harridan

Do I get a third option for pass chuckles .

Vixen

Nope! SO! TEST ROUND!

Vixen

Fab! You survived! For now. Heh.

How is your blood pressure?

Bartholomew Harridan

Not higher than usual.

Vixen

We're gonna do another volley of questions and by the wrap we'll have you directly address voters.

Bartholomew Harridan

Bring it on.

Vixen

So we got at a little thing in that fun little game.

If the state is imperfect and there's a risk of errors, then would you say there's an acceptable amount of erroneous deaths that can occur in order to preserve capital punishment? If so, how many is the sweet spot?

Bartholomew Harridan

Well, there is none. You can't just put a number on an innocent person's life and call it ''Acceptable margin of error''. If the State exercises the power to take someone's life, which I think is necessary for certain above-and-beyond violent crimes, Then the standard for doing so has to be extraordinarily high. To retort, there are crimes for which the ultimate punishment is justified, but I refuse to believe an innocent life can just be reduced to error margins on a bureaucratic piece of paper. The State is imperfect, imperfection is what makes us human, that is why when we are dealing with such an irreversible ruling, the safeguards we set must be extraordinarily rigorous, and the standards high.

Vixen

Do those eliminate error entirely?

We'll scoot onto more ground level stuff after, just wanna knock that out.

Bartholomew Harridan

There is no sweet spot, the goal is to make such an error, as close to zero as humanly possible while maintaining a justice system capable of imposing the punishement where it is lawfully warranted.

Vixen

Vespucci, Del Perro, y'grew up there…

y'know, there's been a bit of a drug use issue. How d'y'plan t'approach that?

Bartholomew Harridan

And no, they do not eliminate the possibility entirely, nothing involving human beings and institutions can promise you that, but what we can do is provide safeguards and standards to reduce those errors to zero. But if your question is whether I believe an innocent person can be executed can ever- Become an acceptable price of maintaining capital punishement, my answer is no. Supporting the death penalty does not mean I will pretend the system is infallible. As for your other question, Well, growing up in Vespucci I saw the difference drug use can make to a neighborhood. Specially when young people are exposed to it at an early age. I lost my father when I was 18 to a robbery gone wrong by an individual who was not in his right mind because of drugs.

Vixen

Sorry to hear that.

So you have policies on addressing this issue from a fairly personal, passionate place?

Bartholomew Harridan

And I wont sit down here and say ''Hey Delia we have a perfect super duper magical solution that will make drug use disappear!'' And yes, that issue is more personal to me, for that reason. What I would do, is push for greater investment in community centers and youth programs, give young people somewhere safe and constructive to go and people they can turn to before criminal activity becomes their only way out. And furthermore I would work closely with Director Shaw and her department to cover those who already lost their way to addiction an opportunity to fix their their mistakes, by setting up rehab centers where we can say ''You made a mistake, we understand, and we wont shame you for it''.

Vixen

Safe injection sites on the exploratory list of things t'consider too?

Bartholomew Harridan

Totally, give them a chance at redemption, let them know that no matter how deep you have fallen in that pit, we will always extend our hands to help you climb back up. Let them know that no matter how deep you have fallen in that pit, we will always extend our hands to help you climb back up. Let them know and feel their government did not abandon them.

Lydia Kestral

Hear, hear.

Bartholomew Harridan

Those are people, our people, friends and families.

Vixen

Yer in government…

have y'heard of any plans in the works for a Rehab? What sort of roadblocks do these things run into given your perspective? And naturally… how do ya surmount it?

Bartholomew Harridan

If our district is to become a place where young people, can grow up without the dangers of crime, we must keep everyone in mind. And yes, there are many plans for that. The issue is there is no one that West Los Santos can count on to help push these plans into effect. As a Council Staffer I have tried to help push those plans from the just plans area. And as, if, elected, that will only give me more drive to make sure that happens. I do not plan to leave no one behind, no matter how bad they lost the path.

Vixen

Alright, we're going to coast this plane downwards, we're interviewing so early that luckily we can revisit ya later… see how your campaign develops… I think my final granular question before I give you a chance to pitch to voters… You've helped Marty draft legislation during your career in his office. Genuine plus to have legislation writing experience.

Y'mentioned that you'd draft legislation to cut "unnecessary regulation" on small businesses. Name one specific regulation on the books today in West Los Santos that you consider unnecessary, and explain exactly what you'd replace it with. If it needs replacing.

Bartholomew Harridan

I would replace all unnecessarily prescriptive requirements with simpler outcome based regulations, so many regulations exist that may hinder small upcoming businesses that I honestly can't name one off the top of my head. But the approach remains the same. Identify overly complicated procedures, make them simpler and more friendly to people just starting out in the world of commerce. I have no plan to weaken the system for the sake of deregulation, obviously, but I would work to change the many hoops people have to jump through just to open a small shop.

Vixen

What's a secret talent or hobby of yours people might be surprised to learn about??

Bartholomew Harridan

I play the piano, nothing spectacular mind you and some people may not find it interesting at all. But I used to play piano with my dad since i was 6 till I was 18 when he passed away. I am quite confident in my skills as a piano man.

Vixen

Hey it's not about skill, it's about how y'feel while y'do it. And I bet it makes your dad super proud whenever y'hit the keys, sunshine. I wanna thank you for joining us today on the Los Santos Vixen blog, the cities premier source for detailed, hard-hitting, investigative journalism, political low-downs and high-ups, and also super cute and fun culture stuff.

Let's hear your pitch to voters as your intro to them. The stage is yours!